Asuncion....

is hot as fuck, dangerous as fuck, and poor as fuck, but man they have good night clubs. and everything is dirt cheap. As i´m writing, its 105 degrees and I´m dripping bullets.

They have their own type of bacon wrap. Its a hamburger with steak, sliced up with an egg, then topped with mayo, onion, and some spicy sauce on 2 buns. 2 bucks. fucking great when you are drunk at 4:45am (which was early when we left).

I met 3 austrailians (2 brothers, one sister) at the paraguayian embassy in uruguay. they were just getting their visas and i was arguing with the lady. We talk and they are super cool so we go eat burger king together. steakhouse burger is amazing btw. They say they will be in paraguay the same time i will. We get each others emails, but i forget to write them.

By the time I got to asuncion, I completely forgot about them. But lo and behold, while walking down one of asuncions streets, I look inside some small restaurant and see those crazy dreads that one of the brothers had. Life is cool sometimes. We end up going out for the whole night, and you should have seen these dudes at the club. Its valentines day, and all the single girls are out. These 2 boys are lifeguards, and also rugby players. Every girl we walk by cant get their eyes off of em. But they cant speak 3 words of english. I ended up being translator for a good amount of the night, which was great for practice and seeing these guys have a great time. This club played reat electronica music, and i think i heard a justice sample at one point. Come 4:30, House of Pain´s jump around came on and i knew it was time to go. The austrailians are gonna be in LA april 24ish, I´ll need help showing them a good time. I told em we will definitely go to standard downtown, seven grand, and the dime, but Ill need suggestions of where else to go.

Enjoy the action shots....they have become so much fun that I do them in all the important tourity spots. However, I was unabhe to get the best action shot possible, while disrespecting an argentinian grave in the giant touristy cemetary. Heres the set up: The grave was of a general, and his statue was bending down in a rather provocative manner while setting flowers on his own grave (strange, i know). Standing next to him was a woman statue with a good set. My idea: Climb up the 10 foot tall pedastal and fuck the general in the ass while grabbing the woman´s tits. Discuss.

http://picasaweb.google.com/carloap

ONE more night in Peru, Why Not?

i missed my flight by 10 minutes and am currently waiting for my next flight, which i have to pay 100 for. i was 10 minutes late. so unbelievable. the woman just looked at me and said no. i was so fucking pissed. like i still had 50 minutes to get on the plane, and they just flat out refused. one guy was behind her constantly saying no. god i was so pissed. i then went outside and decided i nwas gonna get a taxi for 20 solas. so i just stood in the middle and yelled ¨hostel loki, 20 soles¨ guys would come up saying 30 and 25. i just kept saying 20. one guy agreed. i start following him, hes going to a street outsiude the airport and tells me thats where his car is. yeah good try buddy. so i go back and the same thing happens. apparently these are the dangerous taxis. so this young kid dropping off some tourists hears me shouting 20 and says lets go. as im getting in these other taxi drivers who were trying to get me to go with them keep shouting DANGER and PELIGROSO!

the taxi ride is nice. he puts electronica music on and bumps it. he drives fast and manuveurs well. all i can keep thinking about is those asshole drivers though. as we are driving up the hill, i see him pop the trunk, although he did it as conspicuously as possible. he starts driving down dark streets too. streets ive never seen other taxi drivers take. so he stops in a random spot and i know whats coming. he starts pointing to the back sayig the trunk is open, go out and close it. no fucking way. like im just not moving, looking at him cold. he gets out and closes it, then puts the car in gear and starts driving. i remove the large pair of scissors from my bag and clutch it in my hand. 10 minutes later im getting fropped off at the hostel.

so i go straight to the casino cuz now ive got all night to play poker and craps. eric from georgia is here and comes with, wanting to learn about the gambling. we proceed to get wasted, and he pulls me aside and says ¨can i tell you a secret?¨ sure can buddy. "i wanna be a writer" it was so cute. all this time im playing the don't pass and dont' come line at craps and winning a fuckton cuz the game is cold as ice.

poker was unbelievable. the rake was 3% of the pot and 2 dollars for the jackpot drop. i won a $700 pot and paid $23 rake. wow. i actually busted out with JJ vs 99 all in preflop and a 9 on the flop. as the money is being pushed to the dude, he looks at me and says "lo ciento" i simply reply, "no you're not." i ended up even for the night.

LIMA HAS POKER!!!

OMG talking #### in spanish against Peruvians....the tables open up at 6pm....my flight is at 9:40pm

i will post results tmrw!

Day Fifteen Machu Pichu and Cuzco

tons of new pictures up from machu pichu. ajay and i were acting like idiots because it was so touristy. the picture of the asian dude popping up from the stairs is a good austrailian we met in the hostel. he´s 6 foot 4 and has the highest, calmest voice i´ve ever heard. imagine paul mccartney with a sling austrailian accent. one of the reasons he´s so mello is he does about 5 xanax equivilant pills a day. after about 2 drinks, he´s the sweetest guy imaginable. his memory is pretty short term though, he wished me a happy birthday at least 10 times in a single half hour, but that´s not that excessive. I might have taken too many pictures of the alpacas going at it, but it was one of the most entertaining things in machu pichu.

the internet cafes in the small town of aguas calientes had tons of little kids playing video games. I walked into one with 4 kids playing counterstrike, and a 5th computer open. Man i killed those kids so much. it got to a point where one of their friend was standing behind me telling them exactly wehere i was, and they still couldn´t kill me. Then i killed a kid at starcraft. Fool thought cuz he can build carriers against a computer means he can fast tech and not get ling rushed. If the previous sentence made no sense to you, just know that i made a little peruvian kid very angry cuz he lost.

im stuck in this party town of cuzco until the 5th...then im off to uruguay!

http://picasaweb.google.com/carloap

Day Seven: Creepy Jesus in Arequipa

How many creepy jesus´s can you find in a monestary from the 1600s?

http://picasaweb.google.com/carloap

Find Out!

Yesterday was the best day so far. Lake Titticaca will be soon. I looked everywhere on youtube for the clip of bill murray in groundhog day answering jepoerdy questions...one of the answers was lake titticaca. oh well

Day Six....I think

I´m losing track of the days...

that monkey attacked me...so did the parrots. i guess i got hat i deserved though, you can see i was harrassing them.

Sand boarding was the shit. the pictures show how huge that desert truly was. the guide told us it stretched for 20 miles all the way to the beach.

covered in sand, we jumped on a 12 hour bus to arequipa, the second largest town in peru. this place has a museum with a frozen incan mummy. they wouldn´t let you take pictures, but believe me when i say it was so cool. the hair was perfect, but the face was super messed up.

we met a canadian dude on the bus named ryan, and he spent the whole day with us. he was an addiction counselor. he never asked what i did for a living, so i never told him... but i got tons of good stories about him treating gambling addicts.

the pictures with him with the beverly hills photo is inside this touristy hamburger joint. they played all american rock and hip hop, and had the lamest american pictures all over the walls.

there is a bus strike going on in this city. tons of people cannot work, and have to pay more for cabs, or just plain walk.

ajay and i got super drunk last night. we stumbled into a casino which had 15 slot machines and one electronic roulette table. All we could do was argue about which number to bet on, and eventually my logical side kicked in and we realized all of our bets would have been negative expected value. oh well.

tmrw we go mountain biking down the volcano

Day Three: Small Towns and Huacachina

while moving south through peru, i taught some kids at the bus station blackjack. they ´´shined´´ my shoes, meaning they used white and black paint to make em look pretty. my camera was dead so i couldnt get any pictures. they started betting 10 cents every hand. good thing they won, otherwise i would be the american who stole money from kids who were gambling with food money.

were now in huacachina, a town completely surrounded by sand dunes. they have sand buggies that take you to the top, then you sandboard down.

last night we had a great idea to run all the way to the top of the sand dunes. it took up about 30 minutes, and we were dying the whole way. at the top, we got to look out at the whole city (population 200) the stars were a lot brighter, i got some good shots of orion

the pictures of all those girls in swimsuits were not my idea. during the small party, they grabbed my camera and went into a room. they told me it was a gift. too bad one of the girls had a boyfriend, and when he heard what they did, became very angry with me, so i deleted the pictures of that girl. luckily i used my brain to give him more shots, and he passed out on the ride home.

im tired and wanna swin in the pool so ill update later.